The Ephe Fiasco
by Fruity Salad
Summary: Can Yuuri accept the fact that he was being fancied by a bunch of senior aged Mazokus?


The Ephe Fiasco

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyo Kara Maoh

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" Ne, Yuu niichan, do you have a manther fetish? "

Yuuri stopped eating his sunny side up egg as he looked at their youngest sibling Airi ( formerly cousin, but her parents died so his parents adopted her, much to Miko's delight. )

Shori almost choked on his milk.

" What's a manther? " Miko asked as she sat down.

" Older men who dates younger girls. Or in other terms, young girls who prefer to date older men." Airi piped up which caused Yuuri to choke as well.

" But Yuu chan is not a girl, Ai chan. " Miko giggled. " Although in a way, I think he is. Sometimes I think he's a sugar baby with tons of very loving and supportive sugar daddies. "

" Mom! How can you say such a thing about me! " Yuuri indignantly replied. " I do _not_ fancy older men! "

" You say that yet you secretly fancy Conrad. Which BTW, is probably hundred or so years old. " Shori shrugged.

Yuuri massaged his head, thank God their father is not here to hear such conversations, his good father would've fainted on the spot if he heard such things about his son.

And Wolfram. He was sure if the blonde hears this conversation, he will surely be roasted alive.

" Shori, he's my _godfather_ , there's nothing wrong with being nice to him, I admit he has the looks of a Hollywood actor, gorgeous and a perfect gent, and um, okay, maybe I do have a _teensy_ bit of crush - "

" What!? Oh my God, Yuu chan - " Shori erupted. Horrified.

" Well, teensy bit of crush as in admiration, okay! I mean, he protects me all the time and makes sure to watch my well being! And he's very loyal and devoted to me! So, its only natural that I get a little bit attracted to him! " Yuuri amended before his brother explode.

" I told you to call me Mama, Yuu chan! Hmm... now that you mention it, that lilac haired model material gentleman... Gunter was it? " Miko added. " You know, Yuu chan, he seems to be very fond of you… I notice he loves to hug you all the time. "

" He's my education minister Mom. And he teaches me about royal etiquette and stuff. And he really hugs me on a regular basis. It was weird at first, but I got used to it later on. "

" Then that's Ephebophilia. " Airi said. "Ephe for short. "

" Shouldn't that be Pedophilia? " Shori asked. " I mean, those demons are like, hundred years old if not more. "

" Nope, Pedophilia is the general term for older adults who fancy prepubescent kids, I'm being more specific, if it's in the age range of Yuu nii chan, then it's ephebophilia, which means adults who are interested in mid to late teenagers which is 15 to 19. "

" Um, can we stop talking about this? Why did we end up - " Yuuri tried to stop the conversation, feeling uncomfortable and disturbed all of a sudden.

" And Conrad seemed to be very fond of you as well, Yuuri nii, so he's an Ephe. "

Shori snorted. " Pedo is a much better term, and it's much more common. "

" But Ephe is the right term! And its factual! Hmm… let's see, that Murata guy who is also your best friend… he's the great wiseman right? And he says he's been reborn for 4,000 years! So that means, he's four thousand years old! And he seemed to fancy you too! Man, Yuuri nii you have lots of Ephe admirers! " Airi giggled in delight much to Yuuri's discomfort.

Their mother grinned. " And lastly, Yuu chan, don't forget you're engaged to Wolfu chan! And he's 82 years old! Imagine my shock when I found out he's much much older than me! "

" You _do_ have a manther fetish. " Shori agreed. " I should add cougar too. "

" Hey! What's that supposed to mean! I do not fancy older women! " Yuuri huffed.

" Well, let's see, if that blonde brat was right, he said you were attracted to Ulrike at first sight, and she's like eight hundred years old, and you find Anissina and Gisela attractive too, and they're ages are in hundreds, for sure, not to mention those trio's unusual blonde mother who likes to flirt with you who is probably in her six hundreds. " Shori shot back.

" I'm a growing young man! It's only natural for guys like me to be attracted to very beautiful women no matter the age! " The younger, double black defended.

" No need to be so defensive Yuu chan, Sho chan and Ai chan are just pointing the facts, although I am glad that you know how to appreciate a woman's beauty no matter what their age is. " Miko smiled.

" Mom! You can't be serious! I'm not a senior citizen lover! Wait, I do respect and accept them, but I do not, I repeat, do not fancy them! "

" Yeah, you're right, you're not a senior citizen lover, you're much worse because you fancy people who are 80 years older and above. " Shori snickered.

" Anyone below 82 is not allowed. " Airi giggled. " No rebates or rainchecks. No wonder you can't find a girlfriend! "

Yuuri glared at his siblings. " For your information, demons in the alternate world age five times than the demons here on earth. So in a way, they are in our age range. "

" But still, it's a fact that they're in their hundreds and you're just in your teens. " Airi replied. " Which means you're in a big disadvantage because all those Ephe guys have lots of experience already, and you don't have any. Oh, maybe that's the reason why you fancy them? To get some experience? "

" Listen here, my first kiss was when I was in kindergarten! And I had my first love during that age too! "

" Which was a blonde boy dressed as a girl. " Shori added. " Airi's not talking about the usual romantic things Yuu chan, she was talking about bedroom experiences."

" Argh! Why are we even talking about this anyway? " Yuuri said in frustration while blushing hard. " What's it to you guys if my attendants are in their hundreds? They are very devoted to me and very efficient in doing their jobs! I would've run the kingdom to ashes if it weren't for guidance! So stop judging them! "

" So you admit it! " Airi exclaimed, catching him red handed.

" Admit what? "

" You have a cougar and a manther fetish, duh. " Shori shot back.

" And I told you - "

" We're not saying it's wrong, Yuuri nii chan. " Airi stated. " If that's what you want, you are free to follow your own wishes, but sometimes we do think its not right either, or rather, you are going overboard with this, let's face it, you are too young to be surrounded by Ephe dudes who fancy you, and those adults have a mature way of thinking things, you cannot connect with the people there, especially about teen stuff, don't you miss the feeling of talking about homework or computer games to someone? Sometimes you act too mature for your age, not to mention you started a family there already, a fiancée and a daughter in tow, as your sister, I do think its not healthy. "

" There's nothing wrong with my decisions, Airi. I feel contented with what I have and I'm very happy with it, you know. "

" I still think you should've enjoyed being a teenager more. " Shori said. " We know you're destined to be a king, but sometimes, you have to act your age too. If you keep handling huge responsibilities at your age, you might regret it later. "

" They're right, Yuu chan. " Miko smiled. " Childhood is a magical thing, you shouldn't lose it to early. It's morally right to shoulder responsibilities, but you should have fun as a teenager! It's all about balance. I enjoyed my high school days, and I had a blast. You should do so too. "

" So what you're saying is because I _date_ or involve myself with these _Ephes,_ that I'm losing my touch as a teenager? " Yuuri thought aloud.

" Well yeah! When was the last time you played in an arcade? Or go for a coffee shop with one of your guy classmates? And talk about baseball or the latest baseball season to teenagers who is the same age as you? Sometimes you go home all gloomy and have a frown on your face. " Airi observed.

" And when was the last time you went out with a group of friends just talking about something or anything under the sun? " Shori followed.

" But Murata - "

" He's too advanced for his age, he maybe a teenager like you, but still, his way of thinking is too mature. Even you must have noticed that . "

Yuuri pondered on this, that might be true, but…

" Okay, maybe they are much much older than me, and as you said, have more experience, but…" Yuuri smiled. " I mean they still followed my decisions and respected my wishes, no matter how weird they are, even if as you say, I'm a teenager. " He said. " But they accepted me for who I am, and I do FEEL like I really belong there, teenager or not, they caused a big change in me, they made me the king and stood beside me through it all, so cougar or manther or whatever, I would still want to be with them and stand beside them. And being surrounded by them is magic in itself already, I don't think I would've chosen otherwise. "

" But isn't being fancied by older dudes is like sexual harassment? " Airi wondered. " No offence, but I find that a little bit… grotesque."

Shori rolled his eyes. " He's been sexually harassed by the blonde brat _everytime_ and Gunter too, as well as Conrad and he's not complaining. Perhaps he loves it. "

" What the hell?! Take that back!" Yuuri protested. "I know how to complain, but my complaints always fell on deaf ears! How am I supposed to complain to Wolfram without being flambéed alive or being showered with Gunter's tears or blood coming from his nose if I so much as to raise my voice? You be in my position and tell me how it goes! And Conrad is just taking care of me! "

" More like babysit actually. Not just him, all of them _love_ to babysit you. Therefore, giving those Ephe dudes a chance to take advantage of you. " Airi finished. " Which means you gave them free reins to sexually touch you because you're too soft hearted to tell them to stop, are you sure you're not enjoying it? "

" Excuse me!? Do you think I enjoy losing my personal privacy? The people there are too invasive and have no shame in showing affections in public! " The young king said, offended.

" You're the king, you can just command them to stop. They're just using the excuse of showing 'tender affection' to get to your pants and you know it. " Shori stated as he finished his milk.

" They're smart and they are cunning and aggressive. You think they won't find a way to touch me or find a hole in my rules? " Yuuri grumbled.

" See? You gave up immediately without even taking the case to the court, a court which you can rule over and serve justice anytime, that just proves you love being _fancied_ by those Ephes. " Airi said as she leaned on the chair. " Mama, how can you allow this to happen to our Yuu chan? " She complained.

Jennifer grinned. " Well, I guess I was taken by their gorgeous looks, I don't know about you, but I have yet to see a boy or a girl who is as beautiful as Wolfu chan in the looks department. And well, they don't look wrinkly and they do smell nice and they are truly gentlemen at heart. So I guess we can overlook that fact. "

" That doesn't excuse anything! Who cares if they are gorgeous? They can look all pretty and dolled up for all I care, but they're still in their hundreds and it's still child abuse! " Shori argued.

" How come we went to the subject of child abuse this time? " Yuuri asked.

" Because they're older and you're much much younger. " Airi asked. " In the eyes of the law, that's child abuse. "

" Well, uh, I'm the Maoh there so…" The younger Shibuya trailed.

" What if Greta is being fancied by Gwendal? Is that fine with you? " Shori taunted.

" Of course it's not fine with me! Oh my God, Shori! How can you think of using my beloved, innocent daughter as an example! " Yuuri replied in a horrific manner.

" It's a proper analogy of you and Wolfram and your other Ephe admirers. See? You're horrified of thinking about Greta being fancied by Gwendal, but you're not horrified when you and Wolfram are the talk of the town. "

" He's my fiancée! That's different! " Yuuri shot at him.

" It's still child abuse! " Shori snapped back. " You knew that and yet you allow him to sleep with you on the bed and touch you in the baths! And even hug and kiss you! "

" Do you want me to end up in ashes if I don't humor him!? "

" But you don't even want to push him away! Normal people with normal minds would find that strange immediately! "

" Well, I've got news for you! Shin Makoku is a _strange_ world, either you abide its rules, or you die!"

" Boys! " Miko chided as both sons leaned on their chairs and glared at both of them. " Sho chan, I know you're protective of Yuu chan, but that doesn't give you the right to chastise him in his choice of partners! As for you, Yuu chan, don't raise your voice to your brother! He's just concerned about you!"

" Sorry, Mother. " Both men apologized.

" Right, so let's say Yuu chan fancies older people… " Which got a horrified look from Yuuri. " Well, I don't think there's something wrong with that. If he's happy about it, then we should respect his wishes, as for you, Yuu chan, don't get us wrong, we just brought it up because it's the truth and to put some balance in your life. " Jennifer finished as she smiled. " Whatever fetish you do have, Yuu chan, you know we love you, right? "

Yuuri bit his lip. " I suppose so…"

" Great! Now I think that pudding is already done! Ai chan, would you mind helping me take it out from the cups? "

Airi stood up immediately. " Of course Mama, but I still stand on my ground that Yuuri nii has Manther and Cougar fetish and an Ephe fan club."

" And I still believe it's child abuse. " Shori added as he stood up.

" Hey! " Yuuri growled.

" Now, now, Yuu chan! Stop growling, it's bad manners! " Jennifer scolded lightly.

Yuuri sat back on his seat, pouting.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Wolfram raised a delicate brow as he saw his fiancée's grumpy face as he emerged from the pond, everyone seemed to note about his bad mood since Gunter didn't attempt to try and hug him and Conrart keeping his distance even though he greeted the wimp.

They all looked at the sage in question, but the other double black just shrugged, indicating he has no idea what caused the King's bad mood.

They all went back to the castle in silence, Yuuri's still fuming about something, the blonde wanted to ask the wimp, but Conrart shot him a look and he sighed. Yuuri was riding silently and he seemed ready to kill anyone who would attempt to piss him off in the slightest.

So when they reached the castle, everyone greeted them, but Yuuri's greetings are a bit clipped, everyone observed the sour, dark note in his voice. So almost everyone strayed away from him, even Gwendal, who just left the paper work in front of the Maoh without a word and stormed out of the office.

As Yuuri started to read the documents that he's about to sign, he can't help but to narrow his eyes. The talk with his family earlier about him fancying older men really disturbed him to the core. He hasn't realized it after all this time. It's just that, everyone around him seemed nice and devoted to him. He treated everyone equally and he was friendly with all of them, not noticing that they are much much older than him.

Their ages didn't really matter to him, he accepted his attendants for who they are until the facts were slapped to his face. It did seem…disturbing in so many ways, being fancied by older people in their hundreds, but he was willing to compromise, and they are all patient with him, it's either he have them or none at all, and age is just a minor fact anyway, what's important is they get the job done and are willing to guide and support him. And he knew… that losing them is of no option, and he all treasured his subordinates in his heart. It's just that it's shocking to know he _loves being fancied_ by the senior population ( don't let them hear him say they are _old,_ or they will kill you on the spot) of Shin Makoku, and that is in a _romantic sense_ , mind you, maybe that was drove him to get mad at his siblings, he's refusal to admit it at first. Actually it's the truth, he just… well, didn't notice it immediately. But now that he realized it, he might've accepted the facts already, though it took him awhile. Maybe it was also one of the reasons that unconsciously gnawed at him inside, that's why he fought Wolfram's advances with all his might, aside from reasoning with himself that boys shouldn't marry boys, but Wolf is not a boy, he's 82, he's a man, boys are terms used to describe kids and teenagers, not to describe 82 year old men.

Now that he had accepted having a man… err… Ephe fetish, now comes another question, how could he have a balanced lifestyle while he spends most of his time in Shin Makoku?

It's not like he hates his life here ( with the exception of paperworks), he loved his job and all the adventure that comes with it, not to mention it was an honor to be a king of a prestigious country and to keep the kingdom peaceful, he managed to see the best in everybody as well as realize his true potential, but as he thought about it, was he… giving too much?

His mother says it's not wrong, but... Shori argued about him not leaving anything for himself. And now that he thought about it, and as he realized Airi's words, it became clear.

He may have been practicing baseball, and going on matches and watching seasons on tv, but when was the last time he rode through town with his bike alongside his classmates? Or go to the arcade? Or going karaoke with some of the guys at school? Yuuri may not have a big circle of friends, but some of his classmates are nice enough to befriend him and go walking with him through the streets.

And when was the last time he went to the festivals and enjoy street food?

How had he missed those?

He reminded himself that compared to the nobles ( He was shocked that being a noble and a soldier is a full time 24/7 job, with no vacations! Just off days! ) How did they survive just performing their duties all their lives is beyond him, but they are nobles and soldiers and got accustomed to the job, though he couldn't blame them, this world just suffered from the horrors of war, you cannot erase the shadow of fear in just a day, it'll take time for them to feel secured and for paranoia to disappear.

But _he_ wasn't them, he may be a king, but he's still a teenager, sooner or later, he will crave teenage time. That's one part of what they are telling him.

So… what should he do?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

It was late when he finished signing papers as usual, he noticed that Greta wasn't on his bed, only Wolfram who was sitting quietly reading a book and donned in his usual, pink, frilly night gown.

He just finished his bath and climbed unto the bed, Wolfram looking at him warily as he put a bookmark on the page that he stopped reading and closed the book and put it on the bedside table.

" So um…" Yuuri started. Unsure why he wanted to confide with Wolfram of all people about his personal problem, but… Wolfram is the closest one that can understand his teenage dilemmas and give a straight, no hold barred answers.

And he loved it. Sometimes he wanted to mentally slap himself for admitting the truth.

" Did your bad mood disappear just now, Yuuri? " Wolfram asked as he looked at his fiancée.

" What bad – Oh…" The double black realized in understanding as he sat on the bed.

" So do you want to talk about it? " The blonde pressed. Call him nosy, but when it comes to his wimp, he had to know everything.

Yuuri sighed as he slumped on the bed. " Hey, Wolfram… does it bother you? "

" Bother me about what? "

" That…" Yuuri winced. " That you're engaged to a… child. "

The fiery soldier blinked.

" I know I'm too young…" Yuuri realized. " And despite you looking almost the same age as me, I cannot argue with the fact that you're older and you have much more… experience…"

" What are you implying? "

" I'm just saying it must be frustrating to… you know, to agree with me and go with my decisions all the time. I mean I am young, I have silly ideas, and I came from another world, so…"

Wolfram smirked. " You just realized that fact now, you stupid wimp? "

Yuuri just stared at him instead of retorting. How could anyone believe he's 82 is beyond him, Wolfram has a very flawless face, no wrinkles at all, bright green eyes, high and tight cheekbones, and full lips.

Even if he's 82 or a hundred, or even a thousand, with that degree of beauty, he will throw in the towel about manther fetishes and snog him senseless.

The blonde must've noticed his staring as he looked away from him.

" Look wimp, even though you are naïve, stupid and a wimpy idiot - " Yuuri huffed at this. " And your ideas are silly, I still follow you without question, because one: You are my fiancée, two: Despite your strange ideas, we all see the beautiful results and it bought peace in this world, for all that, how can we not abide you? We do have more experience, but when it comes to leading people, you proved that experience doesn't matter, you will learn etiquette in due time, Yuuri, but how to gain the trust and love of people is not something you can learn no matter how hard you try, it's something that comes naturally and you are the epitome of that. "

Yuuri blushed ten shades of red. It was one of those rare moments where Wolfram praised him, and that's saying a lot because Wolfram is a very hard person to please.

Unconsciously, the double black raised a hand to touch the blonde's soft cheek, which caused the fiery soldier to slowly look at him.

Yuuri smiled. " I guess I don't mind being pursued and having an Ephe fiancée after all. I mean anyone would die to be with you no matter what your age is. "

" What are you babbling about? "

The double black sniggered. " Hey, Wolf, did you know that on earth, what you're doing is child abuse? It's against the law for older adults to sexually harass children! I'm still a child, you know. "

Wolfram rolled his eyes. " Yet, you loved to be _sexually_ _molested_ by me. " He stated as he neared his face on his wimp and stole a chaste kiss on his lips. " What a willing pawn you are. "

Yuuri smiled while blushing. " Whatever. "

" So have we solved this problem of yours or do you still need your _older_ _fiancée_ for another advice? You're lucky I'm not asking any compensation for my services since you're my fiancée. "

Yuuri smiled. " Nah, I'm good, its nice to have someone to talk to about teenage insecurities, out of all of them you're the only one that I can speak to about this. "

Wolfram smiled at the statement as he snapped his fingers and all the torches were lost its fiery blaze. " You can be yourself with me Yuuri, since I am myself with you all the time. "

Yuuri grinned as he pulled the covers closer to him.

" Hey Wolf? "

" What? "

" Would you mind going to one of the… uh special festivals on earth with me? I would certainly love for you to be with me so I can show those two that I enjoy having an Ephe fiancée. "

" I don't know what this Ephe means, but sure, I'll go with you, _all_ _the_ _time_ , Yuuri. "

" Good night Wolf. Thank you. "

" Good night, Yuuri. "

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Reviews will be super duper highly appreciated!

Thank you for reading!


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